I’ve been struggling, a mighty soul-sucking struggle, with one of my boys. More days than I can count in the past several weeks, I’ve locked myself in the bathroom and broke down crying, calling out to God, asking for a break. Today, I nearly felt that I was at break-point, when I came across Owlhaven’s oh-so-wise words in her recent post Parenting: Hard Stuff:

As a human, I can’t ever affirm my kids perfectly– heck, on crazy days I struggle to do it even to a small degree.  It is darned hard in the busyness of life to really LOOK people in the eye, to make them know just how precious they are. It is doubly hard when 80% of the hassle in your day is coming from the kid most in need of affirmation.  I take great comfort in knowing that God loves my kids more than I do, and that He, unlike me, is a perfect parent.

I cannot tell you how mary’s words spoke to my heart.  As I struggle through this trying season with this precious boy, I need to remember that I am not a perfect parent (gracious, I am so far from a perfect parent!) but that I can only strive to be a human, imperfect parent and rest in the comfort of knowing that my boys do have a perfect Father.  and I need to remember that the God who loves them perfectly also loves ME the same way.  Even when I lock myself in the bathroom to escape my boys for 5 minutes.

…must come to an end. Our day today, in pictures and a few words:

“Again, Again!” Rusty loves sledding.

This hill is steep – not lovin’ it quite so much…

Yeah, totally done with the sledding. Not lovin’ it at all.

Neither did Greg, once his face got run over by an out-of-control sled.

That’s me and my two eldest boy-men. Ethan, the one on my right in the picture, decided that rather than read a book (like big brother AJ) in the car ride to Uncle Andy’s for our Thanksgiving celebration, he wanted to do some knitting on the hat I was working on. Since I was sitting next to him (a rarity – Mama hardly ever sits in the back-back of the van, but Grandma was sitting in my usual front seat) and I was, of course, knitting, I turned it over to him and gave him a refresher on how to work a knit stitch. This is the child that absolutely refused to learn a few years ago when I attempted to teach him on a few rainy days.

I couldn’t believe what happened next. He not only *got* my instructions right away, but he proceeded to work on my hat (him doing all the knits, me doing all the purls) for the remainder of our hour-long drive. And then he asked me a few a dozen times through the course of yesterday “when can I knit more?”

This morning, first thing, he again asked if he could knit. I pulled out a pair of short size 10 needles and cast on two dozen stitches for him, and my wild-child, normally bouncing off the walls (literally, he bumps him body into the walls and bounces around the room) boy – he sat on the couch and knit all afternoon. He shouted “gotta finish this row!” when I called him to dinner, and after he inhaled his food, he went right back to the couch and knit some more.

The big brother, not to be outdone, sidled up to the couch and asked for his own needles and some yarn. I gave him a brief rundown of the knit stitch, and he also spent several hours on the couch, knitting the afternoon away.

Snuggling with my boys, each of us engulfed in our crafting, passing the hours chatting and laughing, it did this mama’s heart good.

when you mix this:

(a rambunctious, goofy 4 year old)

with this:

(a prayer rock, made at our church’s Wed evening kid’s program)

Any guesses?

You get this:

In other words, you get a trip to the Emergency Department (where they, unfortunately, know you by name because you are there with said 4 year old quite often) at 9 pm, with a gushing finger. (let’s not ignore the irony of the fact that the kid was injured by a Prayer Rock. Resulting in lots of prayers that his hand wasn’t broken. Apparently, the rock works, maybe a little too well, in encouraging prayer. I don’t quite think that’s what the Children’s Director has planned when she did this activity with the kids, though.)

You get x-rays (not broken, but badly bruised and sprained) You get DermaBond (not stitches, thankfully, since the boy was seriously traumatized by the last bout with stitches, in his tongue) (No, I’m not kidding) You get almost three hours of kitting time while waiting in the ED for the doc to come in to do said finger gluing. You get a wrapped finger with admonishments to keep it dry (yeah, okay, that’s gonna happen)

You also get a milkshake at the drive-through at 11:30 pm, because even though the boy is exhausted, you promised him a milkshake and he won’t be dissuaded. You get the same boy drinking the milkshake for breakfast because he was too tired and cranky to finish it when you got home last night. You get a really, rally tired mama today, because all that adrenaline rushing around leaves quite a nasty hangover when it dissipates.

The silver lining to my tale of woe? You also get:
A finished sock!

The cat and the babe, that is. Rusty’s 6 months old now (we’ll ignore the time warp that must have occurred for those 6 months to go thisfast, because surely it was just a week or two ago that I was bring that tiny little bundle of blobby baby home from the NICU)

Since Rusty’s arrival at home, the cat (Lily Potter Belville) has wavered between indignation at the affrontery that is a newborn (the screaming, the smelling, the stealing of the good spot in mama’s bed) and curiosity (if I lay on it, will it be a good pillow?)

We’ve finally, I think, reached the Indifferent Stage. Rusty’s not yet mobile, so Lily can plant herself just out of arm’s reach and look at him with mild annoyance. To which he laughs back hysterically, like she might just be the funniest little creature to ever walk the Earth. It’s entertaining all around; I adore the giggles that erupt from Rusty anytime Lily gets close to him. But poor Lily, she doesn’t have a chance once this kid gets some skills and can chase her.

Yesterday’s birthday festivities included a jaunt to IKEA where the kiddies got to play in Smaland (god, how I adore whatever genius thought up the IKEA Smaland!) and I got to play in the housewears. I was very, very good and came home with only a few trinkets.

Some plain bibs that are destined to be gussied up with embroidery from the insanely inspiring Design Collection for Kids which I found from reading over at one of my favorite blogs, SouleMama Stay tuned for in progress pics as I work on them.

I was sorely tempted to get some georgeous earth tone printed linen called Gribby, but it I didn’t have a specific goal in mind for it, and I’m trying not to buy anything that doesn’t have a goal. So, I put it back. If it keeps calling to me, I’ll figure out a project for it and go back, I think. Isn’t it pretty?

In knitting news..well, there is no knitting news. I’ve been….well, um, I’ve been…crocheting.

There, I said it. I’ve been crocheting. And I like it. Yes, me – crocheting. And liking it. I’ve been churning out granny squares like a mad woman. It all started with Alicia’s ripple afghan. Oh, how her ripple sang to me. Called to me. But, then she started in with the grannies. And then I found the GrannyAlong and now I’m just in big trouble. I’m thinking of all the surfaces in my house I can cover with the granny. But the first up, I’m making a sweet blankie for a friend who is expecting a wee girlie early this summer. Don’t these colors just make you picture a rosy cheeked little summer girl, sitting under a tree in the breeze?

I have spent the last several evenings going through all the pictures on my hard drive. 6 years of pictures, people. I’m only doing it because hubby asked for two photo albums with family pictures in them for christmas (we’ve definitely been victims of the digital camera, I can’t even remember the last time I had real prints made! Bad mommy!)

My head is swimming, but it’s been fun to take a (virtual) walk down memory lane and see how my children have grown over these past few years. It’s been wonderful to watch my eldest go from a toddling babe to a georgeous young man. (Witness the stunning pic below, taken with my nifty new camera, which I am IN LOVE with. It’s a panasonic lumix, with a nifty leica lens that takes rather fantastic photos)

I honestly cannot even believe that this boy is mine. He amazes me more every single day, he’s creative, full of wonder, polite, and really, a joy. (Except when he’s screaming at his brothers. Then I want to kill him)

That is the same boy in this picture, from about 4 years ago. I came across it in my pictures searches tonight, and played around a bit with it in photoshop. The end result you see here is magical, I think.

Turn and face the change.

(I’ve had the Shrek version of this song in my head all day long. God help me)

Changes are afoot aplenty for me these days – new babe, new blog, new sneakers.

First, the babe – Rusty was born Oct 3, 6 weeks early. He weighed in a 5 pounds 11 ounces, and was in NICU for a week. We’re all home now, lovin’ up on the wee pumpkin, and he is the most incredibly sweet and placid baby. The only time he makes noise is in the dead of night when the rest of the house is (finally) quiet, and I’m convinced it’s because he doesn’t like the silence. He’s already revelling in the chaos that is made by his three older brothers.

Next, new blog. I’ve given up on ever getting the spam in the comments under control with b2evo, so as much as I love the ease of it and the layout I had worked on forever, I just had to change to blogger. I’m hopeful that the 800+ “new comment” messages that I get in my inbox every day (all for spam comments) will be abated by the nifty moderation here with blogger. I will eventually move the old archives over from b2evo, but honestly folks, let’s not hold out breath for that to happen. Remember the first change I wrote about above? Yeah, he’s not too keen on allowing mama unfettered computer time.

Last, new sneakers. this is actually a change-in-progress. My beloved cross trainers have finally bit the dust and the soles are literally falling off, so I’m ont he hunt for some spiffy new footwear. I’m thinking maybe some of these:

or maybe these stripey ones:

Both found at my fave online shoe shop

But now, I must go nurse a babe. again.

yeah, the sweater is pretty cute, too I knit this sweater for Greg when he was in the NICU and I was going mad trying to keep myslef busy in there when I couldn’t hold him. I am in love! It’s the first thing I grab for whenever we’re going out, or when it’s cold in the house (which is always these days with the temps so freakin’ low!) So, if you like it, it’s up on the site now, available with just the pattern or in a kit with yarn to complete. The yarn in the pic is Bernat’s Denim. I usually hate anything acrylic, but I am in love with this yarn. Mostly cotton wiht a touch of acrylic, it’s so incredibly soft! I’m shocked at how nice it worked up and how soft it feels. Plus, I’m a sucker for the ragg look.

I’m sure you’ve all been wondering where the heck I’ve been. Well, wonder no more! I’ve been babymooning Gregory Christian was born on December 13th via c-section (he was breech) at 8: 31 pm, weighing in at 4 pounds 15 ounces and 18 inches (which is huge considering that he was almost 8 weeks early!) he spent 18 days in the NICU, and came home on new Year’s Day. He’s such an amazing baby!! So placid and calm, NOTHING like my other two guys who were hell on wheels from the get go. He’s nursing very well (the NICU nurses told me not to expect much cause preemies usually have problems and “almost never” nurse exclusively-they obviously didn’t know I was a staunch boobies activist, LOL) Well, he’s been nursing exclusively since the day he came home, and he’s gaining weight like a prize fighter.

Here he is a few days after he was born:

And here he is at home yesterday:

Gotta run, he wants to eat again!!

Today has been a good day. The boys let me sleep in, the weather is cool enough to warrant me wearing a sweater, and we went for a jaunt into Media (Everybody’s Hometown), which is a fun little town with tons of cool artsy shops and a new bead shop, too. There’s a trolley that runs through the center of the main street (and I wish I had though to take the trolley in from our town, cause the boys would have loved it, but I realized it too late!) And the best pizza place around (Little Anothony’s for anyone close enough to ever visit.) I had a slice of roasted pepper, broccoli rabe and kalamata olive pizza for lunch.

Anyway, we were on a mission to make a necklace for Gigi (my absolutely awesome mother in law, the boy’s beloved “Georgeous Grandma”, thus the moniker “GiGi”). Anyway, here’s what the boys created (and I finished when they got bored) for her birthday celebration tomorrow. GiGi and Pop-pop are taking them to the Zoo for the day, so I get a whole afternoon to myself. I’m practically gasping at the thought!

Plus, I got to chatting with the owner and mentioned that I’d love to teach a beaded knitting class, and she seemed very interested and offered class space in November! I told her I was thinking more along the lines of early spring after the babe’s born, but I’m pretty excited at developing the class. I think I might be able to rent their classroom space when it’s not in use for knitting classes, as well. Wahoo!!

So, of course I bought some more beads for stitch markers. I got the most adorable silver little turtle charms, and some beautiful butterflies as well. Here’s the turtle ones:

We ran into my friend Mindy in town, and she posed in this pic with the boys. I think little Ethan with that big head is hysterical!

And yes, that’s AJ trying to scratch Mindy’s eyes out with the freaky Freddie hand!